November 23, 2016 9 Comments
This Thanksgiving falls sixteen days after the presidential nomination.
Some rejoice the results while others bemoan the abomination.
Verbal shots will be taken and friends will fall prey
to the slander and abuse that will take place on this day.
No longer will just the blood of turkeys be spilled
but those of our family and friends as our bellies are filled.
Instead of giving thanks around the table this year
Americans one and all will incite loathing and fear.
“You tree-hugging liberal skank,” some will abhor.
And on the table’s opposite: “You racist republican whore.”
They’ll start off as groans and hard-to-hear mumbles
as the potatoes boil they’ll become audible grumbles.
Eye-rolls will turn into daggers shot hard
as all await the first to play the dreaded Trump card.
The stuffing will be dished with fingers stiff and pointing
mocking the cabinet Trump is appointing.
But let’s not forget those who voted for a party third
They’ll be blending in while cutting and also flipping the bird.
Whispers will give way to talk then raise to loud shouting
and the expletives will become part of the verbal spouting.
“You voted for that blood-spilling, lying bitch?”
“Do you not value me as a woman, or do you have a brain-glitch?”
On it will go no one having the time of their lives
“Pass me the garlic, the onions, and chives!”
Phones will be passed in lieu of toasty gravy,
sharing videos of Hillary bashing the NAVY.
More videos: Hillary bowing toward Mecca!
More videos: Trump groping my friend Miss Rebecca!
Trump has too much hair! Hillary’s eyebrows too bushy!
Hillary’s just reaching for power! Trumps grabbing…well, he’s pushy.
Some will say, “Throw Hillary in jail!”
Others say it’s to Trump we should heil.
Hillary loves terrorists! Trump loves Putin!
(My face is bloating, do these yams have gluten?)
All the while there’s a corpse on our table who had a shot at more life
But today’s president did not pardon this bird from the knife.
I ask you, how is that fair and how do we fare?
We still bicker and fight though we still get to breathe air.
So when you look at that turkey and slice its gullet
think back to a time of Game Boys and mullets.
When you were a kid at the Thanksgiving table,
the peace was so nice it was almost a fable.
Don’t judge your gay neighbors or steal your uncle’s guns.
Just laugh with your friends and have fun
(and don’t forget to grab some buns).
Happy Thanksgiving Americans one and all.