We’ve Adopted James!

Last week we officially became the proud parents of our foster son James (it’s his middle name). We’ve had him in our home for two years. In those two years the courts stalled and paperwork was filled out and lost (by the state, not by us), and James was assigned more social workers than we could count. I think it reached close to eight or nine.

It’s been a wild two years.

My favorite part of our entire adoption day was when the judge asked Sarabeth and me if we understood fully that in the eyes of the state, the country, and everyone else in the world, James is considered fully and entirely our son just as though he had been born to us.

I love that.

But unfortunately we live in a society that, generally speaking, frowns upon adoption. Sure, for many people it sounds lovely and poetic, but if legs are given to the idea, then people freak out for varying reasons:

“He’s going to wonder who his parents are.”

“She’s going to be a trouble-maker.”

And my favorite one to hate: “He’s not the same skin color.”

For being a country that prides itself on being the melting pot of the world, we sure are averse to interracial marriage, breeding, and adoption. But that’s a topic for another time. (Let me just say that racism would be long dead if we weren’t so preoccupied with  keeping black black and white white. Just saying.)

But even though people applaud adoption on the outside, there is a ton of animosity stirring even within the best-intentioned people. There are those that claim adoption can be harmful for children because they’ll grow up with more questions than answers.

Well, that may be true, but I wasn’t adopted and I still have questions about my past, but I don’t let it rule my life. We all have questions about our upbringing and our lives. Questions are just a part of life. As parents we’ll teach our kids to ask questions about themselves and the world, but we’ll also encourage them not to be driven by them.

To people who say that foster kids are trouble makers, I’m sorry but you need to jump off a cliff or chew on some dynamite sticks. We’ve all known terrible trouble-makers in our lives, and chances are, they weren’t adopted or in foster care. Some people are just wired that way, or they weren’t raised strict enough. But our two kids (from the foster care system) are the best behaved kids you’ll ever meet.

And of course they can be trouble-makers! They’re kids! As parents, we choose what they can and cannot get away with. My rule as a parent is simple: Do anything you want; just don’t hurt anyone else. My only exception to that is I won’t let them touch the stove.

Even governments and world leaders are against adoption. Just look at Russia closing the doors. China’s requirements are pretty hefty. The individual American states themselves jump through every imaginable hoop to reunify children with their parents before allowing a good family to adopt them, even (or I should say especially) when that puts the child at great danger to his/her life.

But this is supposed to be a happy post. In the darkness, light prevails every now and then. The state of Kentucky allowed my wife and me to become the official parents of James. I don’t call that good because we got what we wanted. I call that good because this little boy was given a home where he will be loved and cared for forever, no matter what. And even better, he’s not in the hands of an alcoholic, or a drug user, and he won’t be abused or neglected, and Sarabeth and I will move any mountain we can to make sure they are provided with every opportunity possible for them to be anything they want to be, whether that’s a trash picker, an opera singer, or a CEO.

Welcome home, buddy. Our home isn’t perfect, but you’ll always belong and we’ll keep you as safe as possible.

17098427_10212565443795274_2528537132680630379_n

Advertisements

About Andrew Toy
I'm in the beginning stages of starting my own publishing company that's unlike anything you've ever heard of in the industry. The direction of AdoptingJames is taking a 90-degree turn and will be more writing/publishing-focused. Stay tuned for huge updates and exciting news!

32 Responses to We’ve Adopted James!

  1. Patti Fralix says:

    Congratulations to all of you! This post makes my heart sing. It is very inspiring, although I doubt that inspiring others is your intent; you are just sharing from your heart, which is the very best writing of all, and the most powerful.

  2. Sandeep Beep says:

    Congratulations ❤

  3. realsomefoya says:

    So happy for all three of you.

  4. johnrsermon says:

    Brilliant news. Congratulations.

  5. Sean Mungin says:

    Congratulations 🎉🎈🎊

  6. Congratulations and well done for providing a happy, healthy and loving home to a child who needed it.

  7. J says:

    Oh the feels!!!

  8. What a lovely story. It sounds like James has fantastic parents 🙂 take care. Carly

  9. Laura Beth says:

    Congratulations!!

  10. kethuprofumo says:

    Great! My congratulations! Best wishes to your happy family! And all the best to James!

    Best regards,

    Maria

  11. thestepmomma says:

    Congratulations! ❤ ❤ ❤

  12. Chuck says:

    Congratulations. I was adopted at 14 months and knew my entire life I was adopted and not natural. My advise, do the same. Never keep it a secret that he was adopted. As he gets older, tell him more about anything you know about his past. But the best part, tell him you selected him and there is no difference in the love you have for him than if he was a natural born child to your family.
    I was blessed when later in life I had the opportunity to meet my birth mother. Although we had a great relationship for her remaining years, she still did not replace the love of my adoptive mother. Finally, don’t let what other people think or do interfere with the blessing you just received. God Bless.

  13. Congratulations! What a heartwarming story! God bless all of you. Y’all are a blessing, especially to James.

  14. Congratulations!! We just celebrated the 1st birthday of my sweet granddaughter! Her adoption was official in December, but she has been part of our family since day 2. Blessings on your family!

  15. Congratulations — how wonderful that you prevailed — and that James has landed in the most incredible family. Hooray and enjoy one another —

  16. autistsix says:

    Fantastic, I am so pleased. Congratulations!

  17. Congratulations, that’s wonderful! I’m so happy for your family!

  18. amo says:

    Congratulations! That’s wonderful.

  19. rtimmorris says:

    Couldn’t be happier for you. Congrats!

  20. thewriteedge says:

    Congratulations, Andrew! So happy for you and your family!

  21. grannyK says:

    Congrats to your family!

  22. Aaron says:

    Congrats! I know people can be skeptical, but you can’t pay attention to them. Life gets more relaxed after there’s no more case workers and extra people watching you. I’ve adopted twice, done foster care, and volunteered to mentor at a Catholic orphanage (yes, orphanage, and it’s what you’d imagine) The most haunting thing I seen that I wish others could see also; I witnessed a nine year old boy actually be abandoned by his Grandmother there, he was so traumatized, he was shaking and didn’t speak. And there wasn’t a thing I could about it- that changed me for life.

  23. Congratulations! What an uplifting post.

    Nancy

  24. Matt Wainwright says:

    Such a moving article. It’s been a long journey but worth every step. God bless you all 😊

  25. sheenask says:

    Congratulations! 🙂

  26. Nikki says:

    Welcome to the journey of Parenthood!

  27. leenasbooks says:

    So happy for you all – there isn’t a greater gift than giving a happy, loving childhood. Now you can truly concentrate on the wonderful everyday family life. Congratulations 🙂

  28. Congratulations! He’s so cute!

  29. I admire you and everyone else who gives these children the opportunity for a loving, caring family! Congratulations. Wonderful post.

  30. Congrats! In my humble opinion it will do the child more harm to just rot in foster care, most likely unloved. How must it feel if no one ever adopts you?

    Meno<3

  31. Big congratulations! I am happy for all of you

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: