I Hope You Don’t Die So You Can Read This
February 6, 2016 19 Comments
I’m not good at many things, but I’m awesome at jinxing people.
I’m also pretty incredible at not being like everyone else. And sometimes these two go hand-in-hand.
For instance, I have two colleagues at work who leave a half-hour before I do and every time they leave I try to say things that other people wouldn’t normally say.
So instead of saying, “Have a good night,” I say, “I hope your night doesn’t suck.”
Or instead of, “See you tomorrow,” I say, “Keep your phone nearby in case you choke on your dinner.”
I’m not morbid; it gets a laugh out of them. Plus, I like being remembered.
A couple of favorites have been, “Don’t crash on your way home,” or, “If you do crash, limp away, if you can, from the site in case you have a gas leak and your car’s on fire.”
Well, turns out neither of them listened to me.
In the past three weeks, one colleague totaled her car in a snow storm, and the other one came limping into work with a leg brace and an cast on his arm he won from a bad wreck. I understand he dragged himself away from his car, semi-consious, before the fire got out of control. I take credit for him still being with us today.
So now my supervisor is coaching me on common social cues such as, “Drive safe,” and “See you bright and early tomorrow.”
That’s boring. And, never has a “Be careful” saved a life.
To further my defense, my way of bidding people farewell causes them to think a little differently about things. Like, “Wow I totally could have been hit by that merging semi on the freeway.” Or, “That Big Mac could have been the last thing my weakening heart could have taken. Glad it didn’t get wedged in my throat. But if it did, I had 911 ready and by my side.”
Here, at no charge, I’ll offer you a couple of my trademark takeaways:
That book you’re working on could be the only one you get a chance to attempt.
That song you’re writing could be you’re only hit.
Your blog could be your only major social media presence. Ever.
You could think of those as being negative, or you could see the message behind them. If you do the latter, it just means you have to put extra effort into what you’re currently working on.
I realize my publishing company may be the only chance I have to own and run a business. This may be my one shot. So I’ve got to make it really good.
Don’t just “have a good day,” or, “drive safe.”
Don’t crap out. Don’t give up. Don’t crash.
If you do, hopefully your spouse and kids will still be around to gather around your coffin. That is what I wish for you and for me.
Have you entered the Endever Writing Contest yet? Write a 500-word story and win $150! Deadline is February 25th.