The Bark Collar


So our oldest dog, Pixie, has had this barking problem for almost as long as we’ve had her. 

It’s possible we didn’t socialize her enough or something.

Or it’s just the fact that she’s a dachshund and they’re prone to excessive barking.

But our youngest dachshund, Primrose, who’s almost a year old, doesn’t have this DSCN0295problem. In fact, she gets right up in people’s faces and just starts sniffing them – excessively.

She doesn’t lick them or bark at them. She just sniffs them.

I seriously think her nose carries all five of her  senses.

But seeing that not all dachshunds are prone to excessive barking, we decided that we could try to help Pixie overcome this little problem.

It especially needed to be fixed if our foster daughter’s social worker will be coming over every week. We can’t be having serious conversations with Pixie yapping up a storm in our open loft.

Oh, don’t get me wrong. We’ve tried many different ways to control her barking.

Saying “No barking,” clearly translates to, “Bark like crazy as though the zombies are after us,” in Dogesse.

Spanking her must tickle, because she just goes from barking to yapping.

Locking her up in her cage makes her think that we can’t hear her so she just barks louder.

So after much thought and discussion, we gave in to the last resort.

We bought her a bark collar.

No, not one that fries her, but one that sprays citronella in her face whenever she tries to bark.

I’m a really bad person, because I kind of think it’s funny when she’s about to bark, but then there’s this “Ffftth” that cuts her off and sends her jumping back about three feet.

Like those cat videos on Youtube where something jumps out and scares them. scared_cat-300x281

Sarabeth hates the collar and pities our pup. She refuses to ever be the one to put it on her.

But the thing is, it’s working.

We had a friend over the other day and Pixie, left without the option to bark, was able to drop all her defenses and run and jump and play with him.

It was pretty awesome.

It kind of makes me wish God would hand out Sin Collars.

But one that actually electrocutes you.

You know, like if you’re about to curse – Zap!

If you’re about to tell a lie – Zaap!

If you get frustrated at the baby for crying at 2 AM – Zaaap!

If you’re looking at a girl inappropriately – Zaaaaaaaap! Ffffppphhh! Zaaaap!!!

Yeah, I guess that’d be pretty great if God could give those out.

But then, there wouldn’t be much use for faith at that point. Or prayer.

So they’d really just defeat the whole purpose of what God wants from His people.

Anyway. That was just a thought I had.

Oh, and my daughter just told me that if I don’t get more likes on Facebook for my book, she’s going to give you a sin collar. So don’t hurt her feelings.

Read her impromptu post here.

About Andrew Toy
I'm in the beginning stages of starting my own publishing company that's unlike anything you've ever heard of in the industry. The direction of AdoptingJames is taking a 90-degree turn and will be more writing/publishing-focused. Stay tuned for huge updates and exciting news!

30 Responses to The Bark Collar

  1. djholli920 says:

    I was literally LOL in the office!

  2. Elaine says:

    Lol too funny! Love your daughter’s post last night!

  3. MW Moore says:

    I think God’s “bark”collar is called free will.

  4. I have never heard of the citronella collars… Cut down the mosquitoes getting near them too… Glad it’s working, although, I would be like your wife and not want to put it on… as for the sin collars, well my daughter had a boyfriend who put a bark collar on his dog. The shocking kind. They went out for a day and when they returned the poor dog had blisters on his little neck from the stupid collar. They immediately took it off and took him to the vet. Sometimes, I think the sin collar could produce the same effect. Then we would truly need to go to the Lord for healing.

  5. LOL. Pretty cool post

  6. Sorry Sweetie! I’m a Luddite and don’t Facebook ( yet…) 😉

  7. lunaticmomma says:

    Thank you for dropping by my blog and following me over here at Parenting From The Lunatic Fringe ! I really enjoyed reading your blog, and I am now following you as well. May today be a very happy one……and if that should be improbable……then may it end with ice cream 😀

  8. Hah love that post tboigh the collar does sound mean lol oh dear. I heard of those electric shock ones my osteopath got one for his dog and tested it by wearing it and asking his wife to switch it on low just to see if it worked I mean omg was he mad? Yep she succumbed to her evil side and zapped it up full blast feigning innocence. Yes he survived and no they never put it on the dog! Lol

  9. freewillgirl says:

    Oh that’s really good to know. I also have a sausage dog who loves to bark … At the crack of dawn is when she starts barking ! Might get the same collar too. Thanks !!

  10. quite simply says:

    Oh, I have two dachshunds and have the same problem – the bark at everything and everyone, despite the discipline we try to instil… maybe it is a dachshund thing?

  11. That about the sin collars– that’s pretty funny! But there’s actually a fairy tale like that, and there’s a ring like that… and the lucky guy ups and throws it away. (The idiot.)

  12. andyw says:

    LOL, my friend, loves your post.

  13. Pingback: Elite Little Dog In-Ground Fence Receiver Collar ~ Creaturetopia

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