You Might Be a Christian If… Part 1

We have all laughed at Jeff Foxworthy’s famous “You Might be a Redneck If…” jokes. And I’m sure the “Christian version” has been done before. But I didn’t bother to look it up if it has, so I decided to give it a go. Have fun!


Disclaimer: (a.) 95% of the following statements does not grant you residency in Heaven. (b.) That was a joke.


1. You consider Married with Children and The Simpsons adult programming

2. You can finish this sentence: “Over the mountains and the sea…”

3. You’ve ended a love letter with Philippians 1:3

4. You watch The Office but are selective with whom you share that with at church

5. You thought Ray Boltz’s version of Heaven was pretty cool

6. You replace expletives with words like “gosh” and “dang” and – dare I say it – “shucks”

7. You pronounce it “Awana” instead of “Awanas”

8. You know what every color of the Gospel bracelet symbolizes

9. When the evil goes east, you go west, young man

10. You can name all 16 of the Left Behind books – in order

11. You thought Carman was cooler than the Fonz

12. You considered naming your new dog Wise Guy

13. You voted for Rick Santorum in last year’s primaries

14. You’ve asked for forgiveness for not giving in and voting for Mitt Romney

15. At some point you wrote a Bible verse as your Facebook status to prove that you’ve done your devotions that day

16. You know what Kirk Cameron’s been up to

17. You know who Kirk Cameron is without having to look him up on IMDB to see that he played Mike Seaver in Growing Pains

18. You got a promise ring as a junior high graduation gift

19. The only two rap CD’s you owned growing up were Toby Mac’s “Momentum” and Will Smith’s “Big Willie Style” – just to stay relevant.

20. You know exactly what “bounce the eyes” means.

About Andrew Toy
I'm in the beginning stages of starting my own publishing company that's unlike anything you've ever heard of in the industry. The direction of AdoptingJames is taking a 90-degree turn and will be more writing/publishing-focused. Stay tuned for huge updates and exciting news!

16 Responses to You Might Be a Christian If… Part 1

  1. Toi Thomas says:

    Good stuff. I shared on facebook.

  2. J.G.Lord says:

    Being far older, many of these are new. one might be a Christian if one sits at meal and prays, I have found however there are many who claim the Christ and are well versed in the word, but are keepers of the way. so one must look for the fruits of the Christian, so I would add one is a Christian if one follows the way, do you know the way? a follower must keep ever hidden and yet ever public ten and the two which declare to all the one who is the son. thank you may God bless sorry for the rant.

  3. okay. it seems i’m definitely no christian, then.
    but i also didn’t think i were.

    however, as i’m looking up some things, it’s an interesting list, none of the usual phrases one would expect.:)

  4. Michael says:

    Oh no, I can’t finish the sentence… Can I still be a Christian and Google it? Don’t go by me though—I was shocked a few months ago to learn that Toby Mac is white. “Heck” I thought to guys that rapped on the Steven Curtis Chapman album years ago were…’not white.’ “Shucks,” I’m out of touch.

  5. Sally says:

    Sometimes I wonder where your mind travels to come up with these things….far far away….

  6. Chrystal says:

    hahaha! loved them!

  7. Pingback: You Might be a Christian If… Part 2 | adoptingjames

  8. paulfpavao says:

    Aargh! Here I thought I was a Christian! I’m not really even a “might be …”! Only 1 and 6 were true for me, and it’s possible that at some point in my 20’s, #11 would have been true. 3 out 20 at best!

    There were several I didn’t even know what the sentence meant.

  9. paulfpavao says:

    Oh, 17 too. I do know who Kirk Cameron is, though I don’t know what he’s up to. I really liked Fireproof, which delights my wife, but embarrasses my children.

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