You Might Be a Christian If… Part 1
July 11, 2013 16 Comments
We have all laughed at Jeff Foxworthy’s famous “You Might be a Redneck If…” jokes. And I’m sure the “Christian version” has been done before. But I didn’t bother to look it up if it has, so I decided to give it a go. Have fun!
Disclaimer: (a.) 95% of the following statements does not grant you residency in Heaven. (b.) That was a joke.
YOU MIGHT BE A CHRISTIAN IF…
1. You consider Married with Children and The Simpsons adult programming
2. You can finish this sentence: “Over the mountains and the sea…”
3. You’ve ended a love letter with Philippians 1:3
4. You watch The Office but are selective with whom you share that with at church
5. You thought Ray Boltz’s version of Heaven was pretty cool
6. You replace expletives with words like “gosh” and “dang” and – dare I say it – “shucks”
7. You pronounce it “Awana” instead of “Awanas”
8. You know what every color of the Gospel bracelet symbolizes
9. When the evil goes east, you go west, young man
10. You can name all 16 of the Left Behind books – in order
11. You thought Carman was cooler than the Fonz
12. You considered naming your new dog Wise Guy
13. You voted for Rick Santorum in last year’s primaries
14. You’ve asked for forgiveness for not giving in and voting for Mitt Romney
15. At some point you wrote a Bible verse as your Facebook status to prove that you’ve done your devotions that day
16. You know what Kirk Cameron’s been up to
17. You know who Kirk Cameron is without having to look him up on IMDB to see that he played Mike Seaver in Growing Pains
18. You got a promise ring as a junior high graduation gift
19. The only two rap CD’s you owned growing up were Toby Mac’s “Momentum” and Will Smith’s “Big Willie Style” – just to stay relevant.
20. You know exactly what “bounce the eyes” means.