Smudgefutt Letters 2

Dear Pigmud,

It goes against my wishes to tell you about my current patient. But our Beloved Father Below has insisted that I do so. He favors community and closeness amongst his followers, but frankly I feel like he is just taking his mimicking of the Enemy a tad bit too far. It’s as if he actually believes the Enemy has a superior tactic. (You will please be so kind as to delete this message as soon as you read it, will you not? I would hate to be reprimanded for saying such things.)

But as I must, I will tell you about my patient. He is a Christian (may they be severed from the Enemy), and a devoted one at that. He was raised believing the “truths” taught to him in church and at home. They save these types of people for us more experienced spirits, because they can be quite hard to cut down. But I find that the more I’ve worked with these Christians, the easier it is to find their weaknesses. 

Now spirits can always go one of two ways with these types. The first (and most favored) technique is to allow them to hear about the Bible (may it burn in Hell), and make them think they believe in the stories. But all the while, we’ll whisper doubts in their ears, telling them that whales can’t really spit people out and the plagues brought onto the Egyptians were just coincidences or merely never happened at all. Just build up enough doubt that causes them to be comfortable in their “belief,” yet, willing to be proven wrong. This way, when they are of age and enter the rest of the world apart from their parents and Church (may it fall), we’ve got piles upon piles of doubts about the Enemy to remind them of. 

Now, I’m taking a different approach with my current patient. He knows how to draw the line between reality and fantasy – he’s quite bright in that regard. He knows the Enemy exists, and he even knows that His Son died for His believers. But I have achieved the goal of keeping this information merely at a head knowledge. I have kept him from actually believing it. How do I know this? Because of his actions. 

He’s okay with telling white lies now and then, and he’s okay with downloading songs from the Internet without paying for them. How do I know he’s okay with doing it, and it’s not merely a struggle or a loosing battle with temptation? Because he’s not praying and asking the Enemy for his wicked forgiveness. He does these things as though he were popping corn kernels in the microwave. 

To be honest, I’ve got it pretty easy with this patient. The only thing I need to watch out for is any sign of brokenness or any realization that maybe – just maybe – he’s not saved. But luckily I’ve got him at a church that doesn’t ask such ridiculous questions. He walked the aisle several years ago and filled out a card saying that he accepted the Enemy into his heart. Thanks to me, he thinks that moment was his key to Heaven. Our Father Below gave me permission to keep that card and hand it to my patient when he gets here. 

Yours Truly, Smudgefutt

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